“A new poll found that 54 percent of Florida voters think the country is on the wrong track under President Obama. While the rest of Florida’s voters still think Teddy Roosevelt is president.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday in Cincinnati, President Barack Obama had a meeting with Jerry Springer. He is trying to win the vote of husbands who cheat on their wives with men. That’s a big demographic.” –Craig Ferguson
“John Boehner, who is speaker of the House of Representatives, is super tan, he cries, and he drinks. He should be speaker of the ‘Jersey Shore’ house.” –Jimmy Kimmel
